Merry Christmas, World!

Lotts Creek Community School: Alice Slone's 1st Classroom (Circa 1930), in the Appalachian Mountains, just outside of Hazard, Kentucky

NIGHT BEFORE CRISSMUSS IN WARSAW

Vos da nite before Crissmuss in my Polish howse.  I sneke downda stairs, yoost quiet like a mowse.

Da whole rest of famlee in bed all asleep, while visions of nut rolls trew heads of dem creep.

Wurk sox Mama hung by chimley with care, in hopes dat St. Stosh soon vill be dair.

While over in korner is silly to see, dumplings and kielbassa hang frum da tree.

Denn comes diss big bang making howse start ta shudder, an sum nut lands onna roof an breaks da rain gutter.

He wiggle downa chimley and swears cuz its tight.  I hides behind 12 packs way outta site.

He lands inna fireplace, skorching white hair, on bustid up bowling pin still burning dair.

He climbs out an I peaks to get good look.  Yoost like pichers in mine histree book.

He gots vodka glazed eyes an stummick like bubble, with 5 days old beard and soot onna stubble.

Wearing biggist tennis shoes I ever saw, he lost alla da buttins off his old Mackinaw.

He won't ketch kold, Polish Santa's no dope, cuz tying coat tagedder is old peece of rope.

I tries not ta laff but give a few snikkers, when I sees da big patch onna seat of his knickers.

Diss is shure Polish Santa I knows widdout fear, cuz he heads for da kichfin and opinz warm beer.

When finished wit 6 pak, he give a big smirk, reechiz inta potato sack an goes rite ta wurk.

Now, under da tree he is startin to set, most byooteeful prezzints a Polack kin get.

Dairs new bred baskit an shuvvil fer brudder, a bright red babooshka an pick-ax fer mudder.

6 quartz vodka to make papa gay.  Oy, might be big trubble in our howse to pay.

For baby I know he ain't missed her, when I sees pretty things he leaves for my sister.

Won't she be happy troo da spring anna summer, witt pipe rench an plunger, so she can play plumber.

Denn bote my eyes brighten an heart fills witt glee, wen I sees tings Polish Santa leaves ME.

Dairs wurk gloves and sledge hamnmer, my faverit tool, to wurk hard for boss when I flunks outta skule.

Witt new thermos jug, cabbage supe cannot spill, when I carries lunch onna way to stele mill.

He chugs 5 more beers an makes a wide grin.  I kin see ware da foam runs offa his chin.

Giving some burps, up da chimley he rose, while I quickly got inta alla my clothes.

I must see him leave, so's I rushes outside, an looks toward da roof, while in bushes I hide.

An what does I see as I looks troo da twigs, rusty old garbage cart pulled by 8 stinky pigs.

Polish Santa jumps in an gives dem a yell.  Come on alla youse, don't yoost sit dair an smell.

On Stella, on Stanley, on Walter an Joe, an alla youse whose names I don't know.

Fly over da junk yard an turn ta da right.  Let's visit all peeples before I gets tight.

Den I heard him say as he flew over me, "I'm da only old Polack who gives things for free!"

copyright 12-15-85 Bob Jaskolka

Do Not Call Lists

      ?!?WHAT?!?

All of a sudden, I'm getting calls from solicitors, not Sarah Palin, wanting to sell me anything and everything.  The "Do Not Call" form on the computer has a link wherein you can file a complaint.  The form asks if you requested removal.  BUT...these wise #!!**&#!s have circumvented the ruling in this fashion:  When you pick up the phone, you hear nothing.  When you say, "Hello," the taped message begins and it does NOT identify the company.  When you request removal from their list, the call is immediately disconnected.  Therefore, you can't name them on the complaint form.  If you try to redial the number, you get a "Not In Service" message.  All I can suggest is that you say nothing if you have Caller ID and don't recognize the number, but that doesn't mean they won't try later.  If anyone has a suggestion or 3, kindly pass it along.  

Ironic irony or "The department of HMMM..."

Last night's news on ABC... There's a whacked out Korean rapper who's going to "perform" in Warshington, D. C. real soon.  Previously, one of his songs(?) pleaded that a lot of murders be committed because America didn't agree with a religious(?) organization.  There were protests issued asking that this PSY...cho character not be allowed.  The current resident of the egg-shaped office said, "I have no control over who is in the show."  Hmmm.  Can he explain why nearly 5000 people have died Over There? Sad news it is that the nurse in the British hospital died.  Word is she committed suicide as a result of the prank played by an Australian morning show radio team.  If it WERE a suicide, one has to wonder if that were the only impetus.  Seems a bit strange that a relatively isolated prank would be the only cause of such a dire reaction.  However, many people are screaming that an ultimate in punishment be put upon the radio duet. Hmmm.  bernie madoff knowingly stole BILLIONS out of American retirement funds, etc., yet he spends his time laughing about it while relaxing at a taxpayer funded almost royal estate that's called a white collar prison! I'm certain you can illustrate many other examples.  These just popped into my head while waiting for the Folgers.  Incidentally, please don't chastise me for the lack of name capitalization.  Those who don't receive it, no longer deserve it.

Got Milk?

Nope!