Play Ball!!!

 Originally written in 2012

Everyone should experience the thrill of opening day at the baseball park. As is Easter, baseball is a harbinger of spring and all the new that comes with it.
I grew up a Cleveland Indians fan-atic. I never got to see Babe Ruth play, but I DID get to see so many of the good and plenty of the bad. Bill Veeck, as in Wreck, was the owner of my team. There wasn't a ton of money in his pockets back then, but Bill did so much to bring folks to the park. I remember promotions such as free nylons for the ladies, free admission if you were bald, etc.
It was a fun time to be a fan, even if the team weren't among the best. Cleveland Municipal Stadium had the visiting team entrance/exit that opened right at the parking lot. If you waited, you got to see the teams exit for the buses after they showered and changed into civilian clothes. Many a time, I was there, hanging on the rail and watching as the likes of DiMaggio, Mantle and oh so many greats and wannabes came out, rubbed our heads and said cool things, like, "Hiya kid!" A thrill and a half! We never thought of an autograph.
Back then, I had an afternoon paper route. No one had central air conditioning, Open windows provided cross-ventilation. Most everyone's radio was tuned into the game, and, as I delivered the Cleveland Press to all the front porches, I hardly missed any action. "Back in the day," if you showed ownership of a ticket, your school allowed you to leave early for opening day. Now, THAT was exciting!
Baseball probably catalogs more records than any other sport and as the game progresses, the announcers will impart those that were set or broken on opening day. I wish I could remember all of them, but, as time rolled along, other things took precedence and the memories are just that. Not so many years ago, I took a date to what I recall was her first game. The day was absolutely the worst and would have been bad for even a football game! The wind was brutal, some flakes of snow fell and the wind chill was 13 degrees. Momma Mia! With my frostbite, courtesy of travels via Uncle Sam, I mentioned that there was no way I could sit through nine innings of cold hell. My date's exact words were, "Could we at least stay until they get a point?" (THERE ARE NO POINTS IN BASEBALL!) Having brain freeze, I acquiesced, went into extreme prayer mode, a "point" was quickly scored and we got the hell out of there! Management so loved us that they gave all ticket holders of that weather fiasco a freebie for a game in July!
Yes, Virginia, the game HAS changed...$7 beers, high salaries, betting, drugs and Lord knows what else. BUT, none of that exists...on opening day!

Day of the Curmedgeon

 Wondering why I've not gotten any new pages from Andy Borowitz, satirist extraordinaire, my research found that The New Yorker magazine gave him 'The Boot.'  Is that some new kind of award or does it merely follow the first 4 letters of the publication's description?

Being today as Thomas Edison's 177th birthday, perhaps the zine should close early and go screw a light bulb!

We hope to see you soon, Andy!  My money says your audience would LOVE your deliveries to fill the seat of the dearly loved, departed OTHER Andy, that being Mr. Rooney. Are you listening, CBS?  

Spotted in a local paper's daily question is: Who will win the Super Bowl: KC? SF? Usher? Taylor Swift?  A former  wannabe president offered his own conspiracy that it's a ploy conjured to push Biden for an encore.  Nothing better to do, Mr. Sliceasalami?  

A respondent replied to the newspaper's question: Neither of the 'TT' has openly said a political word, yet, the narrow-minded butt cheeked pundits have the audacious need to tell you what to think. However, since this is a 'bowl' game, my vote goes to Honey Nut Cheerios!

I've read columns by national writers on what they call, 'Tralors.'  Talk about opinion-mongers!  Yes, there's a couple, dating and rich. He gets banged for catching a thing made from a sacrificial oinker and she's a cute blond who was born with a marketing mind, for which writers tear her to pieces. Methinks jealousy.  They actually offer to know exactly the inner workings of the couple's brains.  I have no problem with columnists' right to write, but wonder what was in the green blend they drank before turning their keyboard into a bonfire!

Seems Wally-not-so-smart is re-instating rubber belts and humans at the checkouts. SOMEBODY called attention to lost sales due to dishonesty by not pricing all that went into the bags.  Did no one anticipate this?  Where the heck were all the MBAs?  If they were even at a management meeting, you'd think this to be a major concern or was self checkout merely a way to decrease workers and increase profits?

Speaking of supermarkets, do you miss the 3' X 3' bulletin boards filled with 3" X 5" cards, advertising community sale items and services?  

Pssst! (Local buying saves tax dollars that your incompetent lawmakers can't use for personal enjoyment!)

What I saw when I wasn't looking: Have you noticed in a Budweiser commercial, how a team of horses and 1 dog overcome a problem without speaking? 

Time to disconnect the doorbell and phone so I can hopefully enjoy an exciting super bowl game!

Nothing beats a smile and hug and there are no classes or diplomas teaching how easy it is to be nice!