Saturday Sillies

 Why do underwear and socks come in resealable bags but potato chips don't?

My answer: Undies and socks don't have crumbs. The sadist engineers  at the chip factories design ultra strong bag seals, so, when you forcibly yank the bag, it will split in several directions and the chips "will fall where they may!"  

Have you seen the new commercial for the titanium phone?  It's the ad with what looks like molten lava in a swirl combined with low level moaning.  Sounds a lot like Timmy Leary experiencing his initial experiment with LSD, dontcha think?

Howse come you don't hear anyone say it that way any more?

If you believe you've seen any of the below listed humor blocks, please report them to Sean Hannity

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program...................

In need of a medical exorcist

 10-19-23: A gorgeous day for a drive to the Parma, Ohio V A Clinic, wherein I have a covid inoculation appointment for early afternoon.

All went well,,,a mere needle pinch.  As requested, I stayed 15 minutes as a "just in case" measure.

Hi ho, hi ho, 'twas back to home I drove!

(Meanwhile, back at the ranch): Post Lunper, I began the stretching regimen as prescribed to loosen one of those polysyllabic muscles that arrived post spinal surgery.  On the 1st pull, I realized a minor ache was beginning to travel.  My upper left arm got some real resistance from the rubber elastic strip.  Pressing on, I finally completed all the reps.

23:15: Time for sleep.  NOPE!  During that toss and turn routine, which compared to a marathon in the industrial clothes dryer at Maudy Frickert's 'Dirt-N-Flirt', the "Olde Bod" began to ache a bit more and felt akin to a small dose of C-4.  Hey, Mr. Sandman, I'm supposed to be in a time slot of total rest!  Instead, my cranium is filled with waves of Tylenol tablets dancing in there!  Sugar plums must have hitched a ride with all the  hummingbirds down to Mexico, et al.

10-20-23: At 01:35, I'd had enough!  The body cried for a healthy stretch.  YOU know, it's probably the initial mega ache at the onset of the flu.  Lordeee, I stretched so hard, I could almost pull a shirt off the closet pole, with my foot!

Mustering strength, I retrieved a digital thermometer from the med stash and started the trek to Recovery Road.  My right temple displayed 100.6.  For kicks and giggles, the lower left abdomen showed 99.8

The next few days might be similar to scaling Everest on a Western Flyer Unicycle, but there's no backing off. 

My Ammo-Med belt is loaded with Tylenol, Colloidal Silver and Oscillococcinum, the mainstays used in 2020 because there were too many co-vid questions and not enough positives to comfort me. My 2023 decision is based on tons of reading and questions to pharmacists, knowing peers and medical grads.

My advice, especially for those who now look through the steering wheel:  Make soup and potato pancakes, rub Vick's on your chest and upper back, then wear a sweat shirt, keep a heating pad nearby, have a nap, park your butt and don't venture out unless it's posolutely necessary and don't kiss anyone unless that frog on the lily pad has a notarized and signed statement!