Secret Science? OR, MY "Open Mic" theory of relativity

 Most of us know 'Murphy's Law,' stating, "If something can go wrong, it will!"  Some of us can still recall the 'Kilroy was here' cartoon character who showed his fingers and only half of his face posed over a picket fence, concocted by the ever comedic soldiers of World War 2, perhaps even earlier.

I update those historic/hysterics into: Imagine 2 Kilroy terrestrials perched upon said fence, one being God and the other as Saint Peter. St. Pete offers, "Looks as if Bob is having a nice, happy day."  Noting the comment, God responds with, "Oh YEAH? Watch THIS!"

Can you see how time can evolve most situations, other than 2 plus 2 equals 4?  That is, until artificial intelligence determines a way to be more 'meaningful' way to add.

If you know anything regarding DNA, you're aware that science has determined content modification. Question is, evolution or intervention? DNA science is quite new, so, it's obvious more time is required to research its complexities.

Alright class, please turn your 'Blue Book' to chapter 51, titled, '1947 Conspiratorial Considerations,' wherein, we'll discuss the possibility of DNA manipulation in the 1950s. If research proves modification, it probably explains the non-committing, low moral, sub-par performing generation of elected officials. Further, should we somehow determine a parallel performance that led to the fall of the Roman empire, we'd certainly be awarded a Nobel Prize!

Class is dismissed for the day. Remember to verify quality and operational ease of your mental seat belts!

Current Events March 14, 2024

 Speaker John Mikeson sent a proposed bill to congress, requesting all citizens lining up to watch the eclipse on April 8, 2024, are asked to not use hair dryers, vacuum cleaners or leaf blowers during the sun's blockage.  A recent study of 7 impatient seniors at a bus shelter in Tucumcari, showed 57.1% believe wind moving appliances might interfere with natural air movement and cause dangerous wobbling of the sun, moon and earth, resulting in a kaleidoscopic appearance of the atmosphere.  Doctors at sohighsniff.unorg warn that there's currently no cure and advise all to not look any higher than their knees during the event.  This information was overheard at a truck-stop diner in Threecumcari, by someone not authorized to tell stories that might make little Johnny sad.  A phone call to Cancel Culture went directly to voice mail.

A recent notable quote from a newsmaker in  The Suns Newspaper communities:  

Parma Heights Service Director,  Robert P. Sepik on the city raising fortune-telling fees from $25 to $50 a year: "They should have seen this coming.”

If you run into Albert Einstein today at the coffee shop, don't forget to wish him a "Happy 145th!"

Holy MACKrel dere, Andy!

 

Sun, Mar 10 at 8:11 AM

If you don't recognize the above statement, you haven't celebrated many candle blowouts. Hint: It's from an old radio program.  If you don't recognize the word, radio, even GOD can't help you!

Regardless, looking out the window, it's obvious that 1 hour "Spring Ahead" wasn't enough to leapfrog us into some balmy weather.  Hint: Snow is falling!  Typically, when the flakes fall, the bottle of snow block is hiding somewhere w-a-y back in the medicine chest.  

You have heard of medicine chests, haven't you?  No?  C'MON, arreddy!!!

Even though I was a good boy and accomplished my share of DST prep, it didn't work!  I did arise quite early and shot off to the local mega grocer to take part in their ''7 for $7 specials."  Good deals to be had, if you get their before the soccer moms.

So far, the snow isn't super thick, as I can still see the neighbor's house across the road.  Getting to the store early was its own blessing because I didn't have to search for the Sunday edition of my newspaper.  Some of you might remember those.  Hint: It's that wide foldout thingie your Grampa hid behind as the rest of us sat at the breakfast table, exchanging taunts!

Enough of this.  Go on about your day.  Ask for guidance from above, toss a smile and hug someone.

If you're of the persuasion, may your Ramadan begin with hopes of peace for all.

Blessings~~~

Play Ball!!!

 Originally written in 2012

Everyone should experience the thrill of opening day at the baseball park. As is Easter, baseball is a harbinger of spring and all the new that comes with it.
I grew up a Cleveland Indians fan-atic. I never got to see Babe Ruth play, but I DID get to see so many of the good and plenty of the bad. Bill Veeck, as in Wreck, was the owner of my team. There wasn't a ton of money in his pockets back then, but Bill did so much to bring folks to the park. I remember promotions such as free nylons for the ladies, free admission if you were bald, etc.
It was a fun time to be a fan, even if the team weren't among the best. Cleveland Municipal Stadium had the visiting team entrance/exit that opened right at the parking lot. If you waited, you got to see the teams exit for the buses after they showered and changed into civilian clothes. Many a time, I was there, hanging on the rail and watching as the likes of DiMaggio, Mantle and oh so many greats and wannabes came out, rubbed our heads and said cool things, like, "Hiya kid!" A thrill and a half! We never thought of an autograph.
Back then, I had an afternoon paper route. No one had central air conditioning, Open windows provided cross-ventilation. Most everyone's radio was tuned into the game, and, as I delivered the Cleveland Press to all the front porches, I hardly missed any action. "Back in the day," if you showed ownership of a ticket, your school allowed you to leave early for opening day. Now, THAT was exciting!
Baseball probably catalogs more records than any other sport and as the game progresses, the announcers will impart those that were set or broken on opening day. I wish I could remember all of them, but, as time rolled along, other things took precedence and the memories are just that. Not so many years ago, I took a date to what I recall was her first game. The day was absolutely the worst and would have been bad for even a football game! The wind was brutal, some flakes of snow fell and the wind chill was 13 degrees. Momma Mia! With my frostbite, courtesy of travels via Uncle Sam, I mentioned that there was no way I could sit through nine innings of cold hell. My date's exact words were, "Could we at least stay until they get a point?" (THERE ARE NO POINTS IN BASEBALL!) Having brain freeze, I acquiesced, went into extreme prayer mode, a "point" was quickly scored and we got the hell out of there! Management so loved us that they gave all ticket holders of that weather fiasco a freebie for a game in July!
Yes, Virginia, the game HAS changed...$7 beers, high salaries, betting, drugs and Lord knows what else. BUT, none of that exists...on opening day!

Day of the Curmedgeon

 Wondering why I've not gotten any new pages from Andy Borowitz, satirist extraordinaire, my research found that The New Yorker magazine gave him 'The Boot.'  Is that some new kind of award or does it merely follow the first 4 letters of the publication's description?

Being today as Thomas Edison's 177th birthday, perhaps the zine should close early and go screw a light bulb!

We hope to see you soon, Andy!  My money says your audience would LOVE your deliveries to fill the seat of the dearly loved, departed OTHER Andy, that being Mr. Rooney. Are you listening, CBS?  

Spotted in a local paper's daily question is: Who will win the Super Bowl: KC? SF? Usher? Taylor Swift?  A former  wannabe president offered his own conspiracy that it's a ploy conjured to push Biden for an encore.  Nothing better to do, Mr. Sliceasalami?  

A respondent replied to the newspaper's question: Neither of the 'TT' has openly said a political word, yet, the narrow-minded butt cheeked pundits have the audacious need to tell you what to think. However, since this is a 'bowl' game, my vote goes to Honey Nut Cheerios!

I've read columns by national writers on what they call, 'Tralors.'  Talk about opinion-mongers!  Yes, there's a couple, dating and rich. He gets banged for catching a thing made from a sacrificial oinker and she's a cute blond who was born with a marketing mind, for which writers tear her to pieces. Methinks jealousy.  They actually offer to know exactly the inner workings of the couple's brains.  I have no problem with columnists' right to write, but wonder what was in the green blend they drank before turning their keyboard into a bonfire!

Seems Wally-not-so-smart is re-instating rubber belts and humans at the checkouts. SOMEBODY called attention to lost sales due to dishonesty by not pricing all that went into the bags.  Did no one anticipate this?  Where the heck were all the MBAs?  If they were even at a management meeting, you'd think this to be a major concern or was self checkout merely a way to decrease workers and increase profits?

Speaking of supermarkets, do you miss the 3' X 3' bulletin boards filled with 3" X 5" cards, advertising community sale items and services?  

Pssst! (Local buying saves tax dollars that your incompetent lawmakers can't use for personal enjoyment!)

What I saw when I wasn't looking: Have you noticed in a Budweiser commercial, how a team of horses and 1 dog overcome a problem without speaking? 

Time to disconnect the doorbell and phone so I can hopefully enjoy an exciting super bowl game!

Nothing beats a smile and hug and there are no classes or diplomas teaching how easy it is to be nice!

Total Surprise Christmas Gifts from a Seekritt Santa!!!

 While getting ready to undecorate the Christmas tree, I noticed several unopened boxes at the far end of the tree blanket, all with my name on each.  Hmmm

In the 1st box was a fisherman's, "Do-It-Yourself" set of nightcrawler bobble-head dolls

For the wannabee musician in me:  OMG!  A brand spankin' new, re-pro, Funky Winkerbean Air Guitar!

I'm not certain if the photos will download for you.  They might be protected

Yesterday was a never to be repeated 1 2 3 1 2 3

Today is the 1th of the month of the 24th

If you're Jewish, you can't mistakenly enter the wrong year on your checks until October 2

If you're Aztec, refer to your pocket Xiuhpohualli.  If you lost yours, see below

In any event, may your days be merry and bright and may all your Budweisers be Lite

Xiuhpohualli

Aztec Calendar: Today in the Aztec and Maya Calendar AztecCalendar.com provides a reading of the significance of any given day and presents the relevant gods or prot...

Elementary, My Dear Planet

Response to a Brunswick Post, Letter To The Editor 

 Mr. Rand Lennox's 12-29-23 letter, 'The Common Good,' wherein he emphasized all 10 Commandments fitting on a business card to the multitude of books explaining them, re-booted a memory from long ago. 

 Reflecting on math class at the long since closed, St. Hyacinth School, 'fractions' taught us the importance of determining the lowest common denominator on the way to a solution. 

 Fast forward more than a few decades. While pondering the ruination of such a beautiful planet, caused mainly by greed and the dismissal of decency and laws, I hurriedly typed, in jest, 'If I ruled the world, I'd proclaim The 10 Commandments to result in a common denominator of: Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.' Allow your minds to dwell on each of the 10 and you'll hopefully see the commonality! 

 Fast forward a few more decades where we are today. My mind hasn't changed any, except for that 'rule the world' thought. So, do we make ours a better world or do we continue the path of greed, leading to our prolonged or instant annihilation? 

 Seems elementary to me.