Scanning the world of blogs prompted this offering to pass along that which I’ve learned from other gardeners and self-experimentation.
My veggie garden was on a 3-acre lot where my in-laws lived. The back end of all the residential properties abutted a golf course. Give or take, most lots were 1200 feet deep in that nice village. My guess is that the rear 800 feet of each property was left as natural. Being that hunting was prohibited, it was awesome to watch the abundance of fox, deer, squirrel, skunk, groundhog and multitude of birds and butterflies enjoy what was theirs.
Year 1 of the garden was akin to a child at Christmas: Pumpkin vines with leaves as large as elephant ears; Tomatoes that quickly outgrew the stakes; Kohlrabi resembling a softball with hair; Carrots with palm tree sized tops; Green peppers that looked like small bird cages! Somewhere is a photo of my favorite daughter standing on my shoulders trying to reach the sunflower blossoms! OOO yeah…it was a garden to “die for!” The stress of work was quickly gone each day when I’d toss the suit, don the jeans and head for my evening therapy to pull a weed, plant a seed or turn one of three compost piles. Many, many jars were filled with a bountiful harvest for northern Ohio winter meals. All was good!
Year 2 of the garden was akin to a child at Christmas watching Sheriff McJailem put all the furniture on the tree lawn because dad couldn’t make the mortgage payments. It was probably mid May, (although I don’t care to remember exactly), when I tossed the suit, donned the jeans and headed out for my evening therapy to pull a weed, plant a seed and turn a compost pile. (This is where you squeeze the arms of your La-Z-Boy) Near as I can figure, one of the animals noticed the neat rows of growth anywhere from 2” to 8” high. They didn’t observe my garden earlier because animal brains are fairly small and since they don’t read or play video games, their cells are used for survival and where to sleep at night. “Whichever” animal must have sauntered over, sampled the odd looking row of strangers and uttered, “OH-----MY-----GAWD!!!” That then HAD to be followed by a shout of, “Hey GUYS, Bob’s got lots of goodies here!” (Can you just picture all of God’s creatures with knife and fork, wearing a napkin around the neck?)
I absolutely remember standing slack-jawed, totally paralyzed, eyes unable to blink. It was 1000% worse than the first dent on your new car or even a “Dear John” letter, if you know what THAT is. There IS humor in le calamitie! I honest to Buddha remember whispering, “Look how neat the deer were…nothing trampled…hoof prints on each side of each row.” If not for grocery stores, we all would have perished during that bitter northern Ohio winter of nineteen hundred seventy-whenever.
Being 2nd generation American of mostly Polish, ergo stubborn, ancestors, Year 3 of the garden required an entirely different farming methodology while still respecting those whose land I invaded. By the way, since nature dictates it WAS the land of the animals, garden rustling charges were never filed.
For years, I was an avid reader of Organic Gardening Magazine…testing and implementing lots and lots, (garden humor), of suggestions proven true by trustworthy “old-timers.” I also listened to advice from those anxious to share. What follows will hopefully save you time, energy and an evening with myocardial infarction.
Rabbits: To prevent burrowing, I dug down 18” and installed quality chicken coop wire fencing. Bunnies are cute, but since you don’t see them driving a John Deere, you need not spend extra $$$ on a deterrent. They’ll back off when that wiggly nose touches the fence.
Groundhogs: Dumb as a shingle and twice as stubborn…you have to wonder about a creature rushing up to date a 70 MPH Michelin Radial! If you have many of these, stay with an 18” trench, BUT, use a cyclone-style fence. Not familiar? It’s used for keeping your children at school during the day. Groundhogs WILL ga-naw through chicken wire. They don’t just appear and their tunnels can be fairly long. If you find a burrow opening in your garden, the most humane method is to turn the garden hose on high to make sure the critter is no longer in the tunnel. Once evicted, the other end of the tunnel must be blocked with heavy stone or cinder blocks. These buggers will try to hide their tunnel entrance, so look under bushes, etc., or have someone watch for the stream while you run the garden hose. Odds are, he’ll move on. If he persists by digging another tunnel, you’ll have to repeat the process.
Deer: Allritey then! If you and your neighbors have a great, and I DO mean great, sense of humor and can live with my ethnic G=mc theory, (Garden = Much Care), with practical application, this will give you peace of mind! I installed a steel fence in an easy paced weekend. The posts were the style you drive in with a sledgehammer. You’ll need a brave assistant for steadying the post and wielding a level. The material was a round gage having holes just right for deterring most anything but a mouse…and what can THEY carry off? Okay, now you have a 4’ fence to protect the crop! Following installation of said fence, I was bragging to one of the locals about my newfound expertise. He, without losing a breath as he spat a full ounce of cherry flavored Mail Pouch into a Campbell’s can some 9 feet away, mumbled, “Deer kin jump more’n 4 feet, ya know.”
“ARGH!!!” Followed by, “What to do, what to DO?!?” Think, Bob, THINK! Whenever I find myself at a loss on similar problems, I hurry to the garden supply store, but not just ANY garden supply store. Petitti’s was my mainstay because he worked the “floor” when he started and never laughed at a question. To this day, you can still see Angelo doing his “thing” even though he has a bazillion acres and his own growing farms. There I am, slowly walking…looking super intelligent to anyone less than 4 years old…praying for a cloud to open, hence dropping a leaflet containing “THE ANSWER.” Well, THAT didn’t happen! To make an already long story short, I bought those green, rubber coated, bamboo looking, 8’ high tomato stakes…1 for each fencepost. I securely fastened 1 stake to each post with cut clothes hangers. You might not find these anymore, so buy some thick, galvanized wire. Here’s the humor part. Think of a sliced loaf of bread. I ran monofilament fishing line across the garden, from one green stake to another. From left to right, connect the 1st stake on each side. Then connect the 2nd stake on each side and so on. Don’t allow much sag in the fishing line. I had a spool of plasticized foil…the material used to cover candy bars, which had a shiny finish. It was 36” wide. I cut 4” strips and fastened them to the fishing line at about 3’ intervals. It looked like the grand opening of an old Route 66 gas station, but the skinny foil moved at the slightest breeze and it was enough to keep the deer away. Visitors got a good chuckle, but it worked! Thank God it was about 80 feet behind the house, so animals and the occasional UFO had the only view.
Squirrels: We had plenty of trees and bushes. The furry-tail scooters kept busy and got fat on all the nuts and berries. If these little guys are eating your plants, they don’t have enough natural food. Most wildlife will feed on ornamentals when theirs has been taken away. If your home is in a newer development, odds are the contractor bulldozed much of it.
Morning doves: I do believe they operated a radar station…each time I planted corn, those winged poachers would burgle the rows, unearthing only the soil wherein the seed were placed! I finally claimed victory by placing a paper Dixie cup, bottom side up, over each seed, turning it slightly to embed the cup. Of course, I poked a slit in the cup’s bottom that allowed the corn stalk to exit. By then, the doves weren’t interested. (Did you ever notice how they act as if you can’t see them?)
My veggie garden was on a 3-acre lot where my in-laws lived. The back end of all the residential properties abutted a golf course. Give or take, most lots were 1200 feet deep in that nice village. My guess is that the rear 800 feet of each property was left as natural. Being that hunting was prohibited, it was awesome to watch the abundance of fox, deer, squirrel, skunk, groundhog and multitude of birds and butterflies enjoy what was theirs.
Year 1 of the garden was akin to a child at Christmas: Pumpkin vines with leaves as large as elephant ears; Tomatoes that quickly outgrew the stakes; Kohlrabi resembling a softball with hair; Carrots with palm tree sized tops; Green peppers that looked like small bird cages! Somewhere is a photo of my favorite daughter standing on my shoulders trying to reach the sunflower blossoms! OOO yeah…it was a garden to “die for!” The stress of work was quickly gone each day when I’d toss the suit, don the jeans and head for my evening therapy to pull a weed, plant a seed or turn one of three compost piles. Many, many jars were filled with a bountiful harvest for northern Ohio winter meals. All was good!
Year 2 of the garden was akin to a child at Christmas watching Sheriff McJailem put all the furniture on the tree lawn because dad couldn’t make the mortgage payments. It was probably mid May, (although I don’t care to remember exactly), when I tossed the suit, donned the jeans and headed out for my evening therapy to pull a weed, plant a seed and turn a compost pile. (This is where you squeeze the arms of your La-Z-Boy) Near as I can figure, one of the animals noticed the neat rows of growth anywhere from 2” to 8” high. They didn’t observe my garden earlier because animal brains are fairly small and since they don’t read or play video games, their cells are used for survival and where to sleep at night. “Whichever” animal must have sauntered over, sampled the odd looking row of strangers and uttered, “OH-----MY-----GAWD!!!” That then HAD to be followed by a shout of, “Hey GUYS, Bob’s got lots of goodies here!” (Can you just picture all of God’s creatures with knife and fork, wearing a napkin around the neck?)
I absolutely remember standing slack-jawed, totally paralyzed, eyes unable to blink. It was 1000% worse than the first dent on your new car or even a “Dear John” letter, if you know what THAT is. There IS humor in le calamitie! I honest to Buddha remember whispering, “Look how neat the deer were…nothing trampled…hoof prints on each side of each row.” If not for grocery stores, we all would have perished during that bitter northern Ohio winter of nineteen hundred seventy-whenever.
Being 2nd generation American of mostly Polish, ergo stubborn, ancestors, Year 3 of the garden required an entirely different farming methodology while still respecting those whose land I invaded. By the way, since nature dictates it WAS the land of the animals, garden rustling charges were never filed.
For years, I was an avid reader of Organic Gardening Magazine…testing and implementing lots and lots, (garden humor), of suggestions proven true by trustworthy “old-timers.” I also listened to advice from those anxious to share. What follows will hopefully save you time, energy and an evening with myocardial infarction.
Rabbits: To prevent burrowing, I dug down 18” and installed quality chicken coop wire fencing. Bunnies are cute, but since you don’t see them driving a John Deere, you need not spend extra $$$ on a deterrent. They’ll back off when that wiggly nose touches the fence.
Groundhogs: Dumb as a shingle and twice as stubborn…you have to wonder about a creature rushing up to date a 70 MPH Michelin Radial! If you have many of these, stay with an 18” trench, BUT, use a cyclone-style fence. Not familiar? It’s used for keeping your children at school during the day. Groundhogs WILL ga-naw through chicken wire. They don’t just appear and their tunnels can be fairly long. If you find a burrow opening in your garden, the most humane method is to turn the garden hose on high to make sure the critter is no longer in the tunnel. Once evicted, the other end of the tunnel must be blocked with heavy stone or cinder blocks. These buggers will try to hide their tunnel entrance, so look under bushes, etc., or have someone watch for the stream while you run the garden hose. Odds are, he’ll move on. If he persists by digging another tunnel, you’ll have to repeat the process.
Deer: Allritey then! If you and your neighbors have a great, and I DO mean great, sense of humor and can live with my ethnic G=mc theory, (Garden = Much Care), with practical application, this will give you peace of mind! I installed a steel fence in an easy paced weekend. The posts were the style you drive in with a sledgehammer. You’ll need a brave assistant for steadying the post and wielding a level. The material was a round gage having holes just right for deterring most anything but a mouse…and what can THEY carry off? Okay, now you have a 4’ fence to protect the crop! Following installation of said fence, I was bragging to one of the locals about my newfound expertise. He, without losing a breath as he spat a full ounce of cherry flavored Mail Pouch into a Campbell’s can some 9 feet away, mumbled, “Deer kin jump more’n 4 feet, ya know.”
“ARGH!!!” Followed by, “What to do, what to DO?!?” Think, Bob, THINK! Whenever I find myself at a loss on similar problems, I hurry to the garden supply store, but not just ANY garden supply store. Petitti’s was my mainstay because he worked the “floor” when he started and never laughed at a question. To this day, you can still see Angelo doing his “thing” even though he has a bazillion acres and his own growing farms. There I am, slowly walking…looking super intelligent to anyone less than 4 years old…praying for a cloud to open, hence dropping a leaflet containing “THE ANSWER.” Well, THAT didn’t happen! To make an already long story short, I bought those green, rubber coated, bamboo looking, 8’ high tomato stakes…1 for each fencepost. I securely fastened 1 stake to each post with cut clothes hangers. You might not find these anymore, so buy some thick, galvanized wire. Here’s the humor part. Think of a sliced loaf of bread. I ran monofilament fishing line across the garden, from one green stake to another. From left to right, connect the 1st stake on each side. Then connect the 2nd stake on each side and so on. Don’t allow much sag in the fishing line. I had a spool of plasticized foil…the material used to cover candy bars, which had a shiny finish. It was 36” wide. I cut 4” strips and fastened them to the fishing line at about 3’ intervals. It looked like the grand opening of an old Route 66 gas station, but the skinny foil moved at the slightest breeze and it was enough to keep the deer away. Visitors got a good chuckle, but it worked! Thank God it was about 80 feet behind the house, so animals and the occasional UFO had the only view.
Squirrels: We had plenty of trees and bushes. The furry-tail scooters kept busy and got fat on all the nuts and berries. If these little guys are eating your plants, they don’t have enough natural food. Most wildlife will feed on ornamentals when theirs has been taken away. If your home is in a newer development, odds are the contractor bulldozed much of it.
Morning doves: I do believe they operated a radar station…each time I planted corn, those winged poachers would burgle the rows, unearthing only the soil wherein the seed were placed! I finally claimed victory by placing a paper Dixie cup, bottom side up, over each seed, turning it slightly to embed the cup. Of course, I poked a slit in the cup’s bottom that allowed the corn stalk to exit. By then, the doves weren’t interested. (Did you ever notice how they act as if you can’t see them?)
1 comment:
Ready for spring and year 1 garden in NH. Sequel to this tale should be a best seller... How to save one's garden from moose and the occasional neighbor's cow?
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