When the mind shuts down.....

The spring is coming! The spring is coming!!!

Before going to bed, remember to----->

Set your clocks ahead 1 hour.  Otherwise, you'll be late for church or temple.

Turn your sun dial 15.012 degrees to the south.  Otherwise, you'll get moss on your sox.

Change the battery in your pacemaker.  Otherwise, you'll flunk the ECG.

Move all those Christmas decoration boxes away from the smoke detector.  Otherwise, POOF!

Thoughticus Accumalotis

Mini note pages accumulate when all one does is jot and put them aside, with tons of intent on expanding all those individual thoughts.  The act of admonishment shall begin when I find myself in front of a mirror, as that is where we'll discover the birth of most fault. 
My notes consist of random thoughts that most of us think about and, in forgetting to write them, they are lost.  Some are what I would have enjoyed if Andy Rooney had explored and expanded on them.  The others?  YOU decide..................................
Without further ado, or is it further I didn't?

Separated at birth #1: On-field baseball commentator Ken Rosenthal and Pee Wee Herman
                                #2: Bosox pitcher Alfredo Aceves and Actor Tommy Lee Jones
                                #3: Bosox pitcher John Lester and any EWOK
                                #4: Dave Letterman and sports talk show host Bruce Drennan

Achieve happiness by giving---neither expecting nor demanding same

You never know---until you find out

Baseball is the only sport wherein umpires have the ability to walk on water.  Their 1st commandment being, "Thou shalt NOT question me."  I wonder how they can position themselves between the batter and the catcher and successfully see the outside edge of home plate.  Have you noticed that they often are on the opposite side of the runner when a steal is attempted and are able to "see" if a tag is made or not?  Hmmm

TeeVee commercials are introducing new, improved drugs, telling us to take it if "such and such" drug isn't working.  I wonder if they have new, improved side effects.  I also "like" the new vitamins for kids who won't eat real food.  Does mommy give dressed up princess just the vitamin?  My children had supplemental vitamins...not replacements!

Great read for summer...or any other time: Wayne Dyer's, "Gifts from Eykis"

If a clock used hay bales instead of numerals, would you call it "Hour Fodder?"

Chugging Vernor's Ginger Ale is not an easy task

C'mon...can Shaq O'Neal really drive that Buick???

When someone says, "Have good one"...are we expected to know what it means???

Will the marketing geniasses ever realize that the incessant drumming during commercials and other announcements is about as captivating as a bucket of spit

Speaking of spit, I lie awake wondering how much is generated during a baseball game

The longer you're in solitary confinement, the less likely you'll run into someone you know

And, as Carmen says.................CIAO!

Happy April!!!

Extracted from various worldwide newspapers

House and Senate announce improprieties...Collectively resign Donald Trump discovers Garden of Eden...Re-names it "Trump THIS!" Stalemate reached as cheney and lucifer finally meet Don King finally teaches his hair to relax Obama kids transfer to PS 13 in Hell's Kitchen New Pope lists Vatican properties and art on ebay Walmart buys Washington D.C...Retrains lobbyists into shopping cart retrievers IRS admits using faulty calculators...Mass resignations...Building boarded up NYPD sent to middle east.....Peace accord reached in 17 hours Yankee stadium 12 ounce beer reduced to $27.50 New clothing line introduces pants that explode when worn below the waist NFL goes on strike...Demanding minimum wage Picketers at TV network headquarters, shouting, "Less reality---More Education!" Peace reigns when military is forced to buy their own clothes and weapons Hidden camera shows Area 51 as design/test facility for new roller coasters Government cancels all press conferences, stating that permanent denials will save time Producer admits nothing of consequence ever discussed since View panel all talk at once Maharaji Mahesh Yogi reveals true name as, Ed LaRue Years of frustration cause Quebec to finally pack everything and move province to Schenectady MENSA accuses Bill Gates of being, "This short of a know-it-all" Crash test dummies apply for disability...Workers' Comp refuses to comment New study will test elected officials for..............everything Google Earth shows large Slurpee truck in Bloomberg's back yard Films at 11

Wednesday is not Monday

             

For those of you in the unemployment lines...there's GOTTA be an opening for film and fashion critics.  Hurry and apply NOW! 1. History has proven to me that if I viewed a movie that got "panned," I liked it a lot.  I'm sure many of you might feel the same...so, go for it! 2. I'm not one for perusing the local rag's entertainment section, officially named, "Style & Fashion," but since rain has been falling all day, I gave it a shot.  Yikes!  Of the Oscars' Red Carpet, the critic-ette penned, "No, my shallow darlings, the topic du jour on morning gab fests, quasi-news shows and the endless maw that is the blogosphere was Anne Hathaway's pink Prada dress and its placement of two darts-prominent little tentlike protrusions that, in the mind of many a critic, too closely resembled nipples."  I'm so glad she cleared THAT up for me.  Incidentally, the photo of the aforementioned's article makes her appear to be maybe 9 or 10, so, there's room for improvement.  Hopefully a lot---and soon.  She then continued on, telling us what all the other "experts" called the darts on Anne's dress.  I'd like to read one of her "What I did on summer vacation" reports. Obviously, I was misinformed on the Pope's retirement.  A week ago, it was thought that his excellency had hit the Irish Sweepstakes and left town.  As of this morning, there are more distinct facts mentioned, although I doubt we'll ever know the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  So be it.  According to what I've read and heard, the last time a pope said, "Sono fuori di qua" ("I'm outta here!") was in 1415, even prior to the birth of Chris Columbus.  Benedict XVI was quite the corporate man though, as witnessed by his submission of a 2 week notice.  Wotta guy, huh?  Although, I wonder if they made him sign a non-compete clause.                                                                                               Onward, Christian Soldiers!

Hoopdee "Dupe" and other observances

From today's paper:  "The Energy Department says U.S. households spent an average of $2,912.00 on gasoline, or almost 4 percent of their pretax income, the highest percentage in 30 years."  ON WHAT PLANET?!?  Using the Energy Department's 4%, that $2912 translates to a pretax income of $72,800.  There are no absolute income numbers published that I could find for 2012.  The most current I located was for 2006, which listed approximately 68 million households had less than $58,000 for pretax income.  I'm going to let some other financial whiz extrapolate for current year percentages.  In essence, many households are below $72,000 annual income, thereby increasing the gasoline outlay above 4%.  Proof again that numbers can be made to say whatever the accountants wish them to say. Car commercials 1:  Subaru shows a mom who's very proud of her safety conscious son.  While son is driving with a friend, son is not lured into doing stupid stuff.  Preparing to turn into the driveway, the camera shows a dry, sunny street.  The camera in the yard shows everything as being wet.  Son exits the car and the scene is once again sunny.  (I don't do drugs). Car commercials 2:  The northeast Ohio Ford commercial shows many vehicles with a distorted Ohio license plate, but, wearing my Polish CSI cap, I determined the plate to read, 6NX 9704.  Question?  Why distort the number and why is the same plate on different vehicles, while other cars and truck have no plate at all? TeePee commercial:  When are we going to see the blue bears actually USING the toilet paper?!? GACK-OH:  What the #!+*! is up with the lizard and now a pig selling insurance?!? My favorite TV ad disclaimer at the screen's bottom on a Progressive Insurance ad..."Prices vary based on how you buy."  REELEE? Separated at birth:  Atlanta Falcons coach Mike Smith and comic Steve Martin Who exchanged the very 1st email?  Who was YOUR first? Off to the next mystery: seeking the forest where man and wife sit in dual bath tubs...

NIGHT BEFORE CRISSMUSS IN WARSAW

Vos da nite before Crissmuss in my Polish howse.  I sneke downda stairs, yoost quiet like a mowse.

Da whole rest of famlee in bed all asleep, while visions of nut rolls trew heads of dem creep.

Wurk sox Mama hung by chimley with care, in hopes dat St. Stosh soon vill be dair.

While over in korner is silly to see, dumplings and kielbassa hang frum da tree.

Denn comes diss big bang making howse start ta shudder, an sum nut lands onna roof an breaks da rain gutter.

He wiggle downa chimley and swears cuz its tight.  I hides behind 12 packs way outta site.

He lands inna fireplace, skorching white hair, on bustid up bowling pin still burning dair.

He climbs out an I peaks to get good look.  Yoost like pichers in mine histree book.

He gots vodka glazed eyes an stummick like bubble, with 5 days old beard and soot onna stubble.

Wearing biggist tennis shoes I ever saw, he lost alla da buttins off his old Mackinaw.

He won't ketch kold, Polish Santa's no dope, cuz tying coat tagedder is old peece of rope.

I tries not ta laff but give a few snikkers, when I sees da big patch onna seat of his knickers.

Diss is shure Polish Santa I knows widdout fear, cuz he heads for da kichfin and opinz warm beer.

When finished wit 6 pak, he give a big smirk, reechiz inta potato sack an goes rite ta wurk.

Now, under da tree he is startin to set, most byooteeful prezzints a Polack kin get.

Dairs new bred baskit an shuvvil fer brudder, a bright red babooshka an pick-ax fer mudder.

6 quartz vodka to make papa gay.  Oy, might be big trubble in our howse to pay.

For baby I know he ain't missed her, when I sees pretty things he leaves for my sister.

Won't she be happy troo da spring anna summer, witt pipe rench an plunger, so she can play plumber.

Denn bote my eyes brighten an heart fills witt glee, wen I sees tings Polish Santa leaves ME.

Dairs wurk gloves and sledge hamnmer, my faverit tool, to wurk hard for boss when I flunks outta skule.

Witt new thermos jug, cabbage supe cannot spill, when I carries lunch onna way to stele mill.

He chugs 5 more beers an makes a wide grin.  I kin see ware da foam runs offa his chin.

Giving some burps, up da chimley he rose, while I quickly got inta alla my clothes.

I must see him leave, so's I rushes outside, an looks toward da roof, while in bushes I hide.

An what does I see as I looks troo da twigs, rusty old garbage cart pulled by 8 stinky pigs.

Polish Santa jumps in an gives dem a yell.  Come on alla youse, don't yoost sit dair an smell.

On Stella, on Stanley, on Walter an Joe, an alla youse whose names I don't know.

Fly over da junk yard an turn ta da right.  Let's visit all peeples before I gets tight.

Den I heard him say as he flew over me, "I'm da only old Polack who gives things for free!"

copyright 12-15-85 Bob Jaskolka

Got Milk?

Nope!

Hey Buddy, "Kudzu Paradigm?"

An idle coal truck on Upper Second Creek Road, just outside of Hazard, Kentucky

Covered in Kudzu.  Paradigm Shift = Work truck but No work for truck

Black Friday is history.  Many stores continue their sales in hopes of a successful year.  I'm now treating that hectic shopping fiasco as I do New Year's Eve and St. Patrick's Day...I stay home.

I just double-checked the local newspaper from the past few days.  Thursday, in addition to the stuff till you puff day of Thanksgiving, was anniversary No. 49 of JFK's assassination.  No mention of it.  Perhaps "they" forgot/moved on/stopped caring.

In any event, you may now spin the old radio dial and officially start your holiday spirit by listening to the repeated playing of the same 20-some songs until you consider a self-inflicted round of water boarding.  2 years back, I contacted the local FM's Program Manager about there being many more tunes available.  His response is permanently filed under, "Canned answers containing zero sense"

                                                                      ***********

Near Lake Erie, the temperature is a "torrid 31", with a slight breeze and a bit of snow flurries.  Somewhere, people are setting up the Christmas tree while, "It's a Wonderful Life" spins in the CD player; Moms are teaching daughters the art of cookie baking; Dads are joining sons with hopes of watching their favorite college football team win a berth in a holiday bowl game. I wonder if anyone still strings pop corn.  Somewhere else, there are battles being fought in foreign lands while others are trying to rebuild after losing homes and loved ones during the tragic storm called, "Sandy."

***********

For some unexplained reason, I spot and hear oddities or coincidences that I am compelled to share.  Whether the "excitement" is shared or not depends upon reader mood.  I know SOMEbody reads them, because there are those willing to recommend something to do with couches.

Moving on...while watching a college football game, I noticed that Dustin Fox, current ABC commentator and former Ohio State defensive back, bears a resemblance to Joey Tribiani, from "Friends."  At any moment, I expected Dustin to utter the famous, "How YOU doin?"  Another birth separation is baseball announcer Ken Rosenthal and Pee Wee Herman...not to be outdone by the pairing of San Francisco Giant right fielder, Hunter Pence and comedian, Chris Elliott.

I'm drawn to reading the mini disclaimers at the bottom of teevee commercials.  Progressive Insurance displays a "no kidding" by telling us that, "Prices vary based on how you buy."  Okaaaay.  Not to be outdone, Ford shows a vehicle soaring off a cliff as the disclaimer informs us, "Professional driver, closed course, do not attempt, cars can't fly."  THANK YOU!!!  (WAY too many lawyers these days)

                                                                   ***********

What you don't see anymore: Burma Shave signs; Sign that cautions, "Quiet-Hospital Zone."  Remember when people would stick their tongue out when they disagreed with you?

There IS a morning after!

You win a few...You lose a few...or maybe just one

It seemed like the campaigns lasted 500 days or more. Oh, wait.....they DID!!!
I was right about one thing. I wrote that I had filled my gas tank because the local price in northeast Ohio was $3.069 per gallon. I predicted that the prices would hold until the election was over, because no one wanted to be blamed for any increase. TA DAH! While driving today, through several communities, the post-vote prices were anywhere from $3.22 up to $3.49 for the regular grade. My money says the increase isn't over. Funny, that last night's computer check showed that crude was on the way down. Explain, please? By the way, if you didn't know, you can check local prices by merely typing in gas prices and your zip code into the top address block on your screen.
What really irked me is the northeast rape. I checked prices in New Jersey and they were listed as high as $4.69 at some stations. Our current/new officials need to stem the tide on this non-consensual screwing tossed upon the storm victims. If you like getting involved, phone YOUR reps and get the ball rolling!
Honest to Godness, I just did see this while on my way home. On the tree lawn front of the local post office, was a table with a person bearing a placard that stated, "Impeach Obama." Holy Moley, Batman...talk about impatience!
I truly hope dems and reps can reach across that aisle and get this country on the road to recovery. Hey Guys/Ladies...that aisle isn't all that wide! Another stalemate as referred to last Sunday on "60 Minutes" will tell me that parties are holding party lines. If all they're going to do is a bunch of nya-nya, get the hell out of Washington and let someone in there who gives a damn! Congress and Senate members are elected to represent what the constituents need. Not what 400 plus individuals want for their own pockets. YOU WORK FOR US, SO, GET TO WORK!!!
On a "lighter" note, a convicted murderer in Ohio has been given the death penalty. He's been claiming that it would be inhumane, as he weighs 480 pounds and the gurney would collapse, causing pain. The man has been on death row for approximately 10 years. What the ---- are they feeding him?!? Meanwhile, the warden said he tested the gurney with a corrections officer who closely matched the convict and the gurney held up. What the ---- is that guard eating and why are we paying his medical?!?

Finally.....
The election is over. Tomorrow is Thursday, signifying the traditional start of weekly garage sales. Please eliminate unnecessary driving and guesswork by removing all election signs. A good way to increase revenue is to levy a $5 fin for each sign still up at 6 AM, local time on Thursday.
Thanks for voting! If you didn't vote, trust me from experience...your local bartender doesn't care to hear your gripes. If you could make it to Joe's Chug-n-Hurl, you could have made it to the voting booth. (My local is at an elementary school and the PTU Moms always have yummy cookies and fudge for sale. So, THERE!)
We now return to some new and less boring commercials..................

I hope I'm wrong, but-----

If you think there's no control over the price of gasoline...If you think big brother isn't involved in the price of gasoline...Watch what happens to the price of gasoline after the election on Tuesday.

History shows, when tragedy strikes, as in the northeast, gasoline prices shoot skyward very quickly. As yet, they haven't. Someone might say they insisted on cooperation from refiners and suppliers so that folks who lost their homes could at least cook, stay warm and get to their jobs. That's a nice thought.

I filled my tank today at the probably soon to be forgotten price of $3.079 per gallon.

By the way, it's reported that the majority of the congress will be re-elected.   As Riley would say at the end of the old teevee show, "What a revoltin' development!"

Once A Leg Man..............

Once a "leg" man.....



I try to stay away from political commentary because it negates the chuckles I read in the daily comic section of my newspaper, but, some are SO "ignernt" that you have to stop and wonder.


WHUTT?!? 1.  Our local, (loco?), lawmakers just enacted the Teen Text Law.  I guess they figure texting drivers older than 18 don't get bigger boo-boos. Has anyone contacted the wacko gecko actuaries?
WHUTT?!? 2.  The since deposed Cuyahoga County sheriff was convicted for using election money to bolster his campaign via using his deputies. In short, he "retired" and there followed some of that good ole boy taking care of another and he then used campaign funds to pay the fine. A judge simply blew it off with words to the effect, "These things happen" and that was the end of that!  As an untrained CPA, I'd venture to say he'd have to claim that money as income, dontcha think.........IRS?
WHUTT? 3.  Last week marked the opening of a gambling casino in Cleveland. In an effort to empty wallets without delay, an extension to East 9th Street is being constructed. In the meantime, 2 local hospitals were closed, thereby increasing response times for EMS personnel.

Didja Know? Dept: While visiting some of my favorite Kentucky people earlier this month, I was told that some schools no longer teach cursive writing. AUGH!


As parents, we can oh so easily upset the kids with "put the foot down" directives. My 2 sons, not the old teevee show, grew to be close to self-inflicting eclipse makers. Well, not THAT huge, but big enough to scare some wash machines. When they asked to play football, I absolutely refused, reason being that the human body was not designed to run into each other, at a high rate of speed, from opposite directions. I suggested meteorology broadcasting, as they tend to earn a lot while being wrong more often than Homer Simpson. A recent news item is telling us that Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy is more pronounced than anyone had envisioned. In short, concussions are to be taken seriously, as shown in studies conducted on brains of former football stars. In fact, the possibilities exist in virtually ALL sports having body contact. (You're welcome, M & M)


Can't recall if I mentioned this in an earlier missive, but, since we're being schooled to sneeze or cough into our elbows, don't we then pass the germs when we put that same arm around our companion at the local cineplex?


Have you seen that commercial where a speed dater is caught for saying, "until I met you?" Closely watch the girl. Right after he hears that, her lower back snaps as if someone zapped her with a cattle prod.....Jussayin


Separated at birth 1: Los Angeles Angels pitcher, Irvin Santana and Detroit Tigers shortstop, Jhonny Peralta
Separated at birth 2: Most political candidates and nobody smart


Just for kicks: When you quickly move your index finger in an up-and-down motion on your lips as you hum, you'll hear a staccato sound. Go ahead...try it! Got it? Good! The sound you heard explains why your butt crack isn't horizontal when you scoot down the sliding board!


Given a choice, what music do you suppose a dog would choose?


If it totally passed you by, this month, Friday the 13th was on a Sunday.


Drum Roll Super News Dept: Son of a great lady I know just graduated from med school...a feat unto itself. I think he opted for pediatrics. May he someday soon find a cure for an illness or two.

Random Acts of Thought

Today's photo of Japanese Iris comes courtesy of Paula, from Louisville, Kentucky. She said I gave them to her eons ago, but I can't remember. According to Paula, they didn't bloom for several years and she considered tossing them. They must have read her mind and decided to make her happy last week. Ya see? Good things DO happen when you put your petals to the mettle!

The Big Guy in the sky was kind enough to provide a weather break for parts of the Midwest in March. There was a 10 day span of temps in the 70-some to 80-some...can you BELIEVE?!? A bit like Florida, without the cost of getting there! People were wearing shorts---and SMILING! My back yard is approximately 15 miles in a direct line south of Lake Erie and for those who've never been here, it's normally a cold, gray time of year. Flowers popped early...so pretty! It was fun to watch the confused robins. I could just imagine their thoughts of, "I know I should be building something and filling it with something, but I don't know what or why!" Speaking of wildlife, I'm still happy with getting to see the Cadbury Bunny commercials on teevee.

Separated at birth: "Pawn Stars" Rick Harrison and Billy Joel

Who allows this?!? Did you ever read the small print at the bottom of cell phone ads on the boob tube? (How long since you heard THAT description?) "$350 penalty for early cancellation, plus other fees." Isn't that a lot like the 9000% interest on those quickie loan places? And...what about being forced into a new 2 year contract just because you upgraded your phone?

While we're still in Wuddup Widdat land, who authorized all the fees at whitepages.com?

The face you save will be your own: I don't know where it came from, but, I see tons of drivers making turns that begin with an upside-down grip on the steering wheel, that is, a left turn beginning with the right hand palm facing upward. If you have to suddenly reverse direction, you can't! Most importantly, your arm is covering the inside part of the steering wheel...SO...if your car gets hit and the air bag opens at that high rate of speed, your forearm will smash into your face and break all those pretty, little bones. However, if you'd prefer the equivalent of being sucker-punched by a bowling ball dropped from a very high bridge, so be it. For the rest of you........you're welcome!

Electioneering: Why must voters declare a party affiliation before getting a ballot? Isn't that a bit prejudiced? Why can't a republican vote for a democrat if he/she feels one is more qualified than the other?

If you haven't heard, "Silent Stella" Kowalski, from Chuckalock, Oklahoma, went home to her maker on 2-30-12. In honor of her life, radio station KPASA will air previously recorded segments of her Saturday morning broadcasts of, "Mime Your Own Business."

Invest Wisely Every Now and Zen

For many a year, I've not liked carrying change in my pocket. Upon getting home, I always toss the coins into a container of some sort. THIS year, it has been a thick plastic jar, of unknown origin, albeit quite clean, thank you! It no longer makes any sense to roll coins, because, if your bank resembles mine, they open the rolls and and empty them into a coin counter. Not feeling industrious enough to drive to my institute of higher(?) earning, I posted the following on craigslist.


"5-1/2" High X 5" diameter jar, filled with late model nickels, dimes, quarters and some half-dollars. It weighs approximately 10 pounds. Of late, it has become a burden to carry the container from one location to another. Swimming/Diving lessons begin soon and I'd rather not be burdened when that gets going. I am willing to sacrifice this collection for an equal weight of early or late USA Mint paper money. Denomination is not important. Wrinkles and folds are acceptable. Although not formally schooled in gold, I'd entertain trading for the same weight in that commodity and I suppose a mix of both would also be considered. Your offers must contain 100% legal goods. Counterfeit and photo copies not eligible. Phone numbers must be submitted for consideration. Spammers must show certification papers from a local, accredited psychiatric facility with legible signature of the director.

Things you see when you're not looking

Toss aside all panic regarding the Mayan calendar. It was announced several days ago that Levin Furniture is offering a sale, with no interest payment until 2017. (The man must have connections)

What the heck is in Cialis that causes a need to sit in a bath tub, deep in the forest?

If the car company advertises what they call a "Limited Editon," why are there so many of them?

Arrogant condescension: Sherrod Brown, when asked about commercials warning against Obamacare, "Oh, that's all just background noise." And, if memory serves, after the defeat of issue 5 in Ohio, he stated, "The vote doesn't really mean anything."

An anti Rick Santorum campaign ad stated that "He never ran a company, never ran a state..."
So...Rick wants to copy what we have NOW?!?

"I Stand Firmly On" Dept: Regarding Rap, If you can't whistle to, hum along with or line dance to it......IT AIN'T MUSIC!!!

What if? In order to recoup the huge amount of money spent in sex offense payoffs, I heard that the Vatican is considering its own line of cosmetics. Initial offering will be, "Embarass," a deep red shade of the brand to be known as, "Apostlelipstick."

Andy Rooney might have asked: "Why don't we have lower case numbers?"

Daylight Savings time starts tomorrow, the 11th. Remember to change the battery in your sundial. No adjusment necessary on the kitchen timer.

Things I Think About When I'm Not Thinking...

Imagine a conversation between Ducky, the Medical Examiner on "NCIS" and Cliffie, the Mailman from "Cheers."

He said WHAT?!? On yesterday's news, (11-30-11), Congressman Trakas from Ohio said he was not going to back Mr. Cain's run for president. Reason? He opined, "If Cain lied about an affair, who knows what else he might have lied about?" Now, ain't THAT a hoot!

Ever so slowly, our communication skills are becoming extinct. There's talk of eliminating longhand penmanship lessons from schools. I always marvel at some styles of handwriting that unintentionally resemble calligraphy. Gone will be that beauty. Texting, Twitter, Tweet and God knows what else has abridged most words...no wt ahm sayn? We're losing words because humans are more lazy. Example: classified ads and craigslist say, "Needs moved." I think they mean, "Needs to be moved." Needs fixed, needs cleaned, ad nauseum. As short as it is, et cetera is now being typed "ect."

While I'm on that rant, "And also" is effing redundant! Seems as if there's a new "tag" with each season. The current cutie is to end many sentences with, "as well." Did the schools move English and Composition to the tailgate parties?

Remember when you'd be on a date or a family trip and get lost? Remember dad's refusal to ask for directions? Remember the ensuing arguments? Remember how they became table topics of laughter after filling up on the Sunday supper? As Bobbie in Sebastopol says, "You're making memories." Well, you can kiss THOSE memories good-bye in a generation or two...GPS has pulled the trump card. Robotics eliminate emotion, people!

Whose 3 watt idea was it to build white collar prisons? When I get to be king, right after outlawing stairs, amongst other things that rile most people with common sense, we'll cancel the IRS; every lobbyist will be drafted to manually dredge the Panama Canal; limit political commercials to 15 seconds that may be aired no sooner that 30 days prior to the election; all elected officials and appointees with terms of 2 years or more MUST undergo an annual performance review. I could go on and on...couldn't I? Seems we've allowed the dumbocrats and repulsivecans too much leeway.

I like to read the comics section in the morning. Odds are something will strike the giggle bone and get your socks on the right feet for whatever slams you during the day. Some comics aren't funny. It's just that they're on the same page and that's not a bad thing. They're a lot like Aesop, fast forwarded. One question though...is there anyone more nosy than Mary Worth? She just can't leave anyone or anything alone!

Can anyone exhale more profoundly than Tom Selleck? God, he does that so well!

By the way, all these entries and photos on all my blogs and emails are copyrighted, so, you may not use them without my explicit, written authorization and approval.

Gotta run...people to see and things to do...."as well." (SHEESH!)

What I ponder on a bleak, rainy, windy Friday

Friday, November 5, 2010 9:57 AM

On the lighter side

This week, our mower hit the unemployment line, son #1, tablehopper.com and later this month, grandson #2 blow out another candle. As I enter the days of baseball withdrawal, I loved seeing one of the better playoffs and world series in quite some time. We'll miss you, Sparky Anderson!

On the heavier side

Will the "lawn decorating" election signs disappear as quickly as they "grew?"

Money spent by those who did NOT win would have stocked many a food bank. When I become king, there will be a 30 day campaign season, 5 ads per day, per candidate on broadcast media, 1 million dollar cap on spending and absolutely no robotic phone calls.

The amount of mud tossed was enough to fill the La Brea tar pits. Did ANY candidate say ANYthing honest? And, when will we return to, "by, of and for the people?"

Does a good teevee series HAVE to turn into neurotics unanimous? After the 1st 3 installments, most prime-times morph into agendas, issues and the inevitable bed-hopping olympics.

Action vs reaction: To those who "write" commercials for broadcast media, when I hear your "this is cool" incessant beating of drums in the background of your ads, I immediately go elsewhere. Don't you wonder about the folks who approve some of those ads? C'mon...an insurance agent in a woodpile?!?

We need check-out nazis for those who have no regard for "Less than 12 items."

Ponzi schemers and others who bilk the innocents belong at Leavenworth, not at cushy inns that should never have been built. By the way, why have no bankers been indicted?

I and many others applaud those raising money to find a cure for cancer. By no means do I demean your efforts. But, did you know...? Several weeks ago, our local newspaper listed industries with surplus cash...that's CASH. The auto world was first and the 2nd was the medical "industry" with a cash surplus of 140 BILLION DOLLARS! Is there documentation of disbursement from the likes of Susan B and others? For years, I've ranted about the increasing cost of health care. Are you oblivious to the architectural wonders they call offices? Do you see how the employees dress, what they drive and where they live? Is YOUR health plan equal to theirs?

(And my daughter wonders why I'm grumpy)

That's a lot to absorb, so I'll sign off for now, as you probably need prep time to sort out what 5 people talking at the same time are saying on The View.

Christmas fun

So, vott I yam tellink you iss diss...upon a time ago, I gotz all da fak-sizz ann denn summ he-mails frumm frenz and peepulz I yam not noing. I den make mine own for da Krissmuss and mebbe yew votch it! Iss almoss Polish but now in countree of Yew Ess Hay. So now pleeze go see at youtube den type in for to see all da fillum at Warsaw's "Knight" Before Krissmuss
I now am tanking yew lotz!

8 Years, 19 Days, 'Twas Writ.....

In the middle of the desert
A cloudless night
Millions of stars above
Not a sound at all
No animals to be seen
Tumbleweeds without motion
Alone
Devoid of communication
Vehicles nowhere
Naked
Horizons all around
Without a single tool
Neither food nor water
On fire
OMG!!!

Questionable Querriculum

(Penned in 1979...re-discovered and updated today)

Certain Ethnic Community College
Adult Education---Fall Semester
Registration Deadline---Real Soon


SELF IMPROVEMENT
SI500 CREATIVE SUFFERING
SI501 OVERCOMING PEACE OF MIND
SI502 YOU AND YOUR BIRTHMARKS
SI503 GUILT WITHOUT PARANOIA
SI504 THE PRIMAL SHRUG
SI505 EGO GRATIFICATION THROUGH CONDESCENSION
SI506 MOULDING YOUR CHILD THROUGH GUILT AND FEAR
SI507 DEALING WITH POST REALIZATION DEPRESSION
SI508 WHINE YOUR WAY TO ALIENATION
SI509 HOW TO OVERCOME SELF-DOUBT THROUGH PRETENSE AND OSTENTATION

BUSINESS AND CAREER
BC101 HOW TO AMASS $100 IN REAL ESTATE
BC102 MONEY CAN MAKE YOU RICH
BC103 MARKETING AND SELLING YOUR IN-LAWS
BC104 CARAVAN CAREERS
BC105 FRANCHISE THAT INFORMATION BOOTH
BC106 THE UNDERACHIEVER’S GUIDE TO VERY SMALL BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES
BC107 TAX SHELTERS FOR THE INDIGENT
BC108 MORTGAGE REDUCTION WITHOUT CARBS
BC109 NIGHT SCHOOL RIP-OFFS (MORNING CLASS ONLY)

ARTS AND CRAFTS
AC302 RECYCLING SPIDER WEBS
AC303 SELF-ACTUALIZATION THROUGH MACRAME
AC304 NEEDLECRAFT FOR JUNKIES
AC305 CUTICLE ORIGAMI
AC306 GIFTS FOR THE IRS AGENT
AC307 BONSAI YOUR PET
AC308 HOW TO DRAW STICK FIGURES

OF SPECIAL INTEREST
BS101 OVERTHROW ANY GOVERNMENT IN LESS THAN A DECADE
BS102 WATERBED AQUARIUMS
BS103 STARTING A SILO COLLECTION
BS104 GARGLE IN ANY LANGUAGE OVERNIGHT
BS105 EXPLAINING DENTS
BS106 WHALE REPAIR
BS107 DOOR TO DOOR DENTURE SALES

HEALTH AND FITNESS
HF201 BEARD WATCHING
HF202 CREATIVE TOOTH DECAY
HF203 EXORCISM AND ITS EFFECT ON ACNE
HF204 THE JOYS OF HYPOCHONDRIA
HF205 SUICIDE AND YOUR LONGEVITY
HF206 HIGH FIBER YIN & YANG
HF207 BIOFEEDBACK AND HOW TO STOP
HF208 SKATEBOARDING TO REGULARITY
HF209 UNDERSTANDING A CLAVICLE
HF210 TAP DANCE YOUR WAY TO RIDICULE
HF211 OPTIONAL BODY FUNCTIONS
HF212 DRESSING RIGHT/ DRESSING LEFT AND HOW IT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE
HF213 THE BRAILLE SYSTEM OF ANATOMY
HF214 WATER SKI HOPSKOTCH

HOME BUDGETING
EC402 RETURN STOLEN GOODS FOR PROFIT
EC403 TURN THAT FLY SWATTER INTO A FULLY AUTOMATIC RIFLE
EC404 HOW TO CONVERT YOUR FAMILY ROOM INTO A GARAGE
EC405 BURGLARPROOF YOUR HOME WITH CEMENT
EC406 FUNDAMENTAL KITCHEN TAXIDERMY
EC407 SINUS DRAINAGE AT HOME
EC408 1001 USES FOR THE KIRBY VACUUM
EC409 REPAIR AND MAINTENANCE OF YOUR VIRGINITY
EC410 CONVERT A WHEELCHAIR INTO A DUNE BUGGY
EC411 CHRISTIANITY AND R.V. MAINTENANCE
EC412 IMPROVE PROFITS WITH YOUR CONVERSATION PIT

GENERAL
GB101 RIOT ETIQUETTE
GB102 SCHOOL GUARD FOLKLORE
GB103 WIND CHIME SING-A-LONGS
GB104 KNOW YOUR FLASHLIGHT
GB105 LOOKING OCCUPIED AND INTERESTED AT A SHOPPING MALL
GB106 DRYER LINT QUILTS
GB107 MICROWAVE MYSTERIES AND TERROR
GB108 AVOID COMPACT DISC ALLERGIES
GB109 SELECTING ANCESTORS
GB110 DISCREET KNUCKLE CRACKING
GB111 MEMORIZING MIDDLE NAMES
GB112 INTRODUCTORY HIJACK HUMOR
GB113 KILLER BEE COOKING FOR FUN
GB114 REMEDIAL COUPON CLIPPING