Once A Leg Man..............

Once a "leg" man.....



I try to stay away from political commentary because it negates the chuckles I read in the daily comic section of my newspaper, but, some are SO "ignernt" that you have to stop and wonder.


WHUTT?!? 1.  Our local, (loco?), lawmakers just enacted the Teen Text Law.  I guess they figure texting drivers older than 18 don't get bigger boo-boos. Has anyone contacted the wacko gecko actuaries?
WHUTT?!? 2.  The since deposed Cuyahoga County sheriff was convicted for using election money to bolster his campaign via using his deputies. In short, he "retired" and there followed some of that good ole boy taking care of another and he then used campaign funds to pay the fine. A judge simply blew it off with words to the effect, "These things happen" and that was the end of that!  As an untrained CPA, I'd venture to say he'd have to claim that money as income, dontcha think.........IRS?
WHUTT? 3.  Last week marked the opening of a gambling casino in Cleveland. In an effort to empty wallets without delay, an extension to East 9th Street is being constructed. In the meantime, 2 local hospitals were closed, thereby increasing response times for EMS personnel.

Didja Know? Dept: While visiting some of my favorite Kentucky people earlier this month, I was told that some schools no longer teach cursive writing. AUGH!


As parents, we can oh so easily upset the kids with "put the foot down" directives. My 2 sons, not the old teevee show, grew to be close to self-inflicting eclipse makers. Well, not THAT huge, but big enough to scare some wash machines. When they asked to play football, I absolutely refused, reason being that the human body was not designed to run into each other, at a high rate of speed, from opposite directions. I suggested meteorology broadcasting, as they tend to earn a lot while being wrong more often than Homer Simpson. A recent news item is telling us that Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy is more pronounced than anyone had envisioned. In short, concussions are to be taken seriously, as shown in studies conducted on brains of former football stars. In fact, the possibilities exist in virtually ALL sports having body contact. (You're welcome, M & M)


Can't recall if I mentioned this in an earlier missive, but, since we're being schooled to sneeze or cough into our elbows, don't we then pass the germs when we put that same arm around our companion at the local cineplex?


Have you seen that commercial where a speed dater is caught for saying, "until I met you?" Closely watch the girl. Right after he hears that, her lower back snaps as if someone zapped her with a cattle prod.....Jussayin


Separated at birth 1: Los Angeles Angels pitcher, Irvin Santana and Detroit Tigers shortstop, Jhonny Peralta
Separated at birth 2: Most political candidates and nobody smart


Just for kicks: When you quickly move your index finger in an up-and-down motion on your lips as you hum, you'll hear a staccato sound. Go ahead...try it! Got it? Good! The sound you heard explains why your butt crack isn't horizontal when you scoot down the sliding board!


Given a choice, what music do you suppose a dog would choose?


If it totally passed you by, this month, Friday the 13th was on a Sunday.


Drum Roll Super News Dept: Son of a great lady I know just graduated from med school...a feat unto itself. I think he opted for pediatrics. May he someday soon find a cure for an illness or two.

Mothers Day Serenade

Even if you've not been a genetic Mom, it's a good bet that you've nurtured children in one fashion or another.
Please enjoy some of those thoughts that I've collected over time.....


Real Mothers don't eat quiche; They don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom to Mother....
**********
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything,
She can fix nearly everything and that NEVER will change because she will ALWAYS try!!
THAT’S JUST THE WAY MOMS ARE!!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs up her hair.  The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.  It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
********
The good Lord has BLESSED us all with "our very own angel"
I called my angel "MATKA"
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Whether it's Ma, Mom, Mommy or Mother...Whether you have your own children or help raise the children of others...Whether you are a Mom to other than family or perhaps animals...The below is from one who knows about Moms. Althought THIS is Mother's Day, a Mom is needed EVERY day!
This is for those mothers...
Who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Meyer weiners and cherry Kool-Aid, saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here."
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end ,soothing crying babies who couldn't be comforted.
Who came to work with spit-up in their hair, milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purses.
Who run carpools, bake cookies and sew Hallowe'en costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.
Who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.
Whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.
Who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and meant it.
Who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.
Who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the grand mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.
Who go hungry, so their children can eat.
Who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."
Who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.
Who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
Whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college.
Who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
Whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
Who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.
Of the victims of recent school shootings, and the m! others o f those who did the shooting.
Of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
Who taught their children to be peacful, and now pray that they come home safely from a war.
What makes a good Mother anyway?
Is it patience?
Compassion?
Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sewa button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?
The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?
Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child ! when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?
The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...
And mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all. For all of us.
Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray.
"Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."
Please pass this to a wonderful mother you know.
(I just did)
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Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

PLAY BALL!!!

Everyone should experience the thrill of opening day at the baseball park. As is Easter, baseball is a harbinger of spring and all the new that comes with it.
I grew up a Cleveland Indians fan-atic. I never got to see Babe Ruth play, but I DID get to see so many of the good and plenty of the bad. Bill Veeck, as in Wreck, was the owner of my team. There wasn't a ton of money in his pockets back then, but Bill did so much to bring folks to the park. I remember promotions such as free nylons for the ladies, free admission if you were bald, etc.
It was a fun time to be a fan, even if the team weren't among the best. Cleveland Municipal Stadium had the visiting team entrance/exit that opened right at the parking lot. If you waited, you got to see the teams exit for the buses after they showered and changed into civilian clothes. Many a time, I was there, hanging on the rail and watching as the likes of DiMaggio, Mantle and oh so many greats and wannabes came out, rubbed our heads and said cool things, like, "Hiya kid!" A thrill and a half! We never thought of an autograph.
Back then, I had an afternoon paper route. No one had central air conditioning, Open windows provided cross-ventilation. Most everyone's radio was tuned into the game, and, as I delivered the Cleveland Press to all the front porches, I hardly missed any action. "Back in the day," if you showed ownership of a ticket, your school allowed you to leave early for opening day. Now, THAT was exciting!
Baseball probably catalogs more records than any other sport and as the game progresses, the announcers will impart those that were set or broken on opening day. I wish I could remember all of them, but, as time rolled along, other things took precedence and the memories are just that. And, dontcha know, on opening day, 2012, the following new record came into being: Text is borrowed from the web site of 93.1 FM, WZAK, Cleveland's R & B Leader..."CLEVELAND – J.P. Arencibia’s three-run homer in the 16th inning sent the Toronto Blue Jays to a 7-4 win over the Cleveland Indians on Thursday in the longest opening-day game in major league history.

Arencibia was 0 for 6 with three strikeouts before connecting off Jairo Asencio.
The marathon eclipsed the previous longest openers — 15 innings between Cleveland and Detroit in 1960 and 15 innings between Philadelphia and Washington in 1926.
Luis Perez, Toronto’s seventh pitcher, pitched four scoreless innings for the win and Sergio Santos got two outs to end the 5-hour, 14-minute game.
Jose Bautista homered and hit a sacrifice fly for Toronto, which rallied for three runs in the ninth off All-Star closer Chris Perez to force extra innings."

Not so many years ago, I took a date to what I recall was her first game. The day was absolutely the worst and would have been bad for even a football game! The wind was brutal, some flakes of snow fell and the wind chill was 13 degrees. Momma Mia! With my frostbite, courtesy of travels via Uncle Sam, I mentioned that there was no way I could sit through nine innings of cold hell. My date's exact words were, "Could we at least stay until they get a point?" (THERE ARE NO POINTS IN BASEBALL!) Having brain freeze, I acquiesced, went into extreme prayer mode, a "point" was quickly scored and we got the hell out of there! Management so loved us that they gave all ticket holders of that weather fiasco a freebie for a game in July!
Yes, Virginia, the game HAS changed...$7 beers, high salaries, betting, drugs and Lord knows what else. BUT, none of that exists...on opening day!

Random Acts of Thought

Today's photo of Japanese Iris comes courtesy of Paula, from Louisville, Kentucky. She said I gave them to her eons ago, but I can't remember. According to Paula, they didn't bloom for several years and she considered tossing them. They must have read her mind and decided to make her happy last week. Ya see? Good things DO happen when you put your petals to the mettle!

The Big Guy in the sky was kind enough to provide a weather break for parts of the Midwest in March. There was a 10 day span of temps in the 70-some to 80-some...can you BELIEVE?!? A bit like Florida, without the cost of getting there! People were wearing shorts---and SMILING! My back yard is approximately 15 miles in a direct line south of Lake Erie and for those who've never been here, it's normally a cold, gray time of year. Flowers popped early...so pretty! It was fun to watch the confused robins. I could just imagine their thoughts of, "I know I should be building something and filling it with something, but I don't know what or why!" Speaking of wildlife, I'm still happy with getting to see the Cadbury Bunny commercials on teevee.

Separated at birth: "Pawn Stars" Rick Harrison and Billy Joel

Who allows this?!? Did you ever read the small print at the bottom of cell phone ads on the boob tube? (How long since you heard THAT description?) "$350 penalty for early cancellation, plus other fees." Isn't that a lot like the 9000% interest on those quickie loan places? And...what about being forced into a new 2 year contract just because you upgraded your phone?

While we're still in Wuddup Widdat land, who authorized all the fees at whitepages.com?

The face you save will be your own: I don't know where it came from, but, I see tons of drivers making turns that begin with an upside-down grip on the steering wheel, that is, a left turn beginning with the right hand palm facing upward. If you have to suddenly reverse direction, you can't! Most importantly, your arm is covering the inside part of the steering wheel...SO...if your car gets hit and the air bag opens at that high rate of speed, your forearm will smash into your face and break all those pretty, little bones. However, if you'd prefer the equivalent of being sucker-punched by a bowling ball dropped from a very high bridge, so be it. For the rest of you........you're welcome!

Electioneering: Why must voters declare a party affiliation before getting a ballot? Isn't that a bit prejudiced? Why can't a republican vote for a democrat if he/she feels one is more qualified than the other?

If you haven't heard, "Silent Stella" Kowalski, from Chuckalock, Oklahoma, went home to her maker on 2-30-12. In honor of her life, radio station KPASA will air previously recorded segments of her Saturday morning broadcasts of, "Mime Your Own Business."

Just Smilin'

We're experiencing a very early spring in Northeast Oh-ten
Today's temp might soar to 80
The bikers are on the roads
The joggers with dogs are on the sidewalks
Their dogs are peeing on my flowers
Crocus and Hyacinth are showing off their colors
OOOYEZ, the shorts are on the Polish kid's legs
The annual, Pre-Easter, Cadbury Rabbit commercials are on the teevee

To quote Chandler from "Friends"...Can it GET any better?

Invest Wisely Every Now and Zen

For many a year, I've not liked carrying change in my pocket. Upon getting home, I always toss the coins into a container of some sort. THIS year, it has been a thick plastic jar, of unknown origin, albeit quite clean, thank you! It no longer makes any sense to roll coins, because, if your bank resembles mine, they open the rolls and and empty them into a coin counter. Not feeling industrious enough to drive to my institute of higher(?) earning, I posted the following on craigslist.


"5-1/2" High X 5" diameter jar, filled with late model nickels, dimes, quarters and some half-dollars. It weighs approximately 10 pounds. Of late, it has become a burden to carry the container from one location to another. Swimming/Diving lessons begin soon and I'd rather not be burdened when that gets going. I am willing to sacrifice this collection for an equal weight of early or late USA Mint paper money. Denomination is not important. Wrinkles and folds are acceptable. Although not formally schooled in gold, I'd entertain trading for the same weight in that commodity and I suppose a mix of both would also be considered. Your offers must contain 100% legal goods. Counterfeit and photo copies not eligible. Phone numbers must be submitted for consideration. Spammers must show certification papers from a local, accredited psychiatric facility with legible signature of the director.

Things you see when you're not looking

Toss aside all panic regarding the Mayan calendar. It was announced several days ago that Levin Furniture is offering a sale, with no interest payment until 2017. (The man must have connections)

What the heck is in Cialis that causes a need to sit in a bath tub, deep in the forest?

If the car company advertises what they call a "Limited Editon," why are there so many of them?

Arrogant condescension: Sherrod Brown, when asked about commercials warning against Obamacare, "Oh, that's all just background noise." And, if memory serves, after the defeat of issue 5 in Ohio, he stated, "The vote doesn't really mean anything."

An anti Rick Santorum campaign ad stated that "He never ran a company, never ran a state..."
So...Rick wants to copy what we have NOW?!?

"I Stand Firmly On" Dept: Regarding Rap, If you can't whistle to, hum along with or line dance to it......IT AIN'T MUSIC!!!

What if? In order to recoup the huge amount of money spent in sex offense payoffs, I heard that the Vatican is considering its own line of cosmetics. Initial offering will be, "Embarass," a deep red shade of the brand to be known as, "Apostlelipstick."

Andy Rooney might have asked: "Why don't we have lower case numbers?"

Daylight Savings time starts tomorrow, the 11th. Remember to change the battery in your sundial. No adjusment necessary on the kitchen timer.